By Sarah Sacks | Psychotherapist & Clinical Supervisor
Something happened recently that gave me quite a jolt.
I was sending a text to a dear friend when I noticed that my previous message to her, sent a few weeks earlier, contained the contact details of a doctor I knew in Indonesia. It seemed completely out of context. I had no memory of sending it, or of any conversation that might have prompted me to do so. Assuming I had sent the details by mistake, I apologised.
My friend replied that she had actually been very grateful for the information. She was in Indonesia at the time and the doctor's details had been exactly what she needed.
I was astonished. Not only had I forgotten sending the message, I had absolutely no recollection of the conversation surrounding it. Looking back at the dates, I could see that it had been a particularly busy time in my life. I had a lot going on, and clearly my attention had been stretched in many directions. What struck me most was that this wasn't a casual acquaintance. This was one of my really good friends, someone I care deeply about.
Thankfully, there was no rupture in our relationship. Quite the opposite. My friend responded with warmth and a gentle enquiry about how I was doing. But it was a powerful reminder to me of just how easily we can become disconnected from the moments we are living, and why maintaining a consistent mindfulness practice matters.
Not just for our own wellbeing, but for the quality of our relationships.
How Much of Our Lives Are We Really Present For?
I suspect many of us know the experience of arriving somewhere with little memory of the journey, or finding ourselves halfway through a conversation while our minds are already occupied with what comes next.
We are living in a world that constantly competes for our attention. There is always something to respond to, organise, remember or anticipate. And while our minds are extraordinarily capable of managing all this activity, there can be a cost.
When we are continually moving between thoughts, tasks and responsibilities, we can lose touch with what is happening right here, in this moment. We might be getting everything done, but how much are we actually experiencing?
Mindfulness Is More Than Meditation
Mindfulness is often associated with meditation, sitting quietly and focusing on the breath. And while meditation can be a wonderful way to develop awareness, mindfulness is something we can bring into almost every aspect of our lives.
At its heart, it is the practice of paying attention to our present experience, with curiosity rather than judgement. It might mean noticing the sensation of our feet on the ground as we walk, the warmth of the sun on our skin, or the way our body responds when we feel anxious or overwhelmed. It might also mean recognising when our attention has wandered, and gently bringing it back.
Importantly, mindfulness isn't about always feeling calm or peaceful. Sometimes being present means becoming aware of something uncomfortable, perhaps sadness, frustration, exhaustion or a feeling we haven't quite found words for. And rather than immediately distracting ourselves or trying to change what we feel, we can begin by simply acknowledging what is there.
How Mindfulness Supports Our Mental Wellbeing
Research suggests that regular mindfulness practice can help reduce stress, anxiety and symptoms of depression. It can also support our capacity to regulate emotions and respond more thoughtfully to life's challenges. But there is something else I find particularly valuable.
As we become more aware of our inner experience, we begin to recognise patterns that might otherwise go unnoticed. We may discover how often we rush, how quickly we become self-critical, or how difficult it is to rest without feeling that we should be doing something productive. And with awareness comes the possibility of choice.
Instead of automatically responding in familiar ways, we may find a little more space to pause, reflect and respond differently.
Bringing Mindfulness Into the Therapy Room
Mindfulness is also an important part of how I work as a psychotherapist.
In therapy, we can spend a great deal of time talking about our experiences, trying to understand why we feel or behave in certain ways. This understanding can be valuable, but it doesn't always lead to the change we are hoping for. Sometimes we need to move beyond thinking about our experience and begin to notice how we are experiencing it in the present moment.
Through approaches such as Internal Family Systems (IFS), Focusing and somatic awareness, I invite clients to become curious about what is happening within them, not only in their thoughts, but also in their bodies and emotions. We might pause during a conversation to notice a tightening in the chest, a change in breathing, or an unexpected feeling that arises when speaking about something important.
Rather than immediately analysing or trying to change the experience, we give it a little space and attention, at a pace that feels manageable. Often, something begins to shift when we approach ourselves in this way. We may discover feelings or needs that have been overlooked, recognise patterns that have been operating outside our awareness, or develop a more compassionate understanding of the parts of ourselves that struggle.
This is one of the things I value most about mindfulness in therapy. It helps us develop a different relationship with our inner world, one that is less driven by judgement or the need to fix, and more grounded in curiosity, understanding and care. And importantly, this awareness can gradually become something we carry into our everyday lives, beyond the therapy room.
Small Ways to Bring Mindfulness Into Everyday Life
One of the things I appreciate most about mindfulness is that it doesn't have to become another task on our already busy lists.
We can begin by bringing a little more attention to the things we are already doing.
Start your day before reaching for your phone. Take a moment to notice how you are feeling, both physically and emotionally.
Pay attention when you walk. Feel your feet meeting the ground, notice the movement of your body and the world around you.
Pause between activities. Before rushing into the next thing, take a breath and notice what you might be carrying with you.
Give someone your full attention. Notice when your mind wanders during a conversation and gently return to listening.
Check in with yourself. Ask, How am I feeling right now? What am I noticing in my body? What might I need?
Make space for moments of doing nothing. Not every quiet moment needs to be filled with a screen, a podcast or another task.
These are small practices, but over time they can make a meaningful difference to how we experience our lives.
Coming Back to Ourselves
My experience with my friend was a reminder that even when we know the value of mindfulness, and have practised it for many years, it is easy to lose our way when life becomes busy.
I don't think the answer is to strive to be mindful all the time. That would simply become another expectation we place upon ourselves.
Rather, perhaps we can become a little more interested in noticing when we are distracted, overwhelmed or moving through life on autopilot. And gently find our way back. Back:
to our bodies
our surroundings
our relationships
and the ordinary moments that make up our days
Because mindfulness isn't simply about feeling less stressed or anxious. It is also about being more fully available to the life we are living, and to the people with whom we share it.
Consider how you might be able to bring more presence into your life. For me, that can often be through gardening.
It is through connection we heal.
Love Sarah xx
